Archive for March, 2012
well, might as well send the boy into the labour force early…
nah, he was on e-learning for 3 days, so brought him to Greyville on one of the days. (ok, he’s on a break here and playing online games. at least it’s not facebook.) they get THREE whole days off from school to do homework online! kinda like telecommuting. yes, they do start them early.
ok so this one sounds suspiciously coldplay-ish but i just like the idea of swallowing so much sleep, coz i very much want to do that, gulp a whole lot of it down and keep me full. (and am obviously listening to too much 98.7. husband calls everything on it “hipster”. i think it’s his favourite word.)
had one of those rare lunch dates with the spouse on his day off – which means one of the rare times i get a free lunch on a workday.
i mulled, over my full set of Delifrance potato gratin, mushroom soup and tea, that when the boy starts dating in his teens, we may, in effect, be bearing the cost of an additional kid, i.e. his girlfriend.
because the boy will ask us for pocket money that will go into paying for his girlfriend’s food, her cinema tickets, gifts on her birthdays, etc.
well, those ARE what gentlemen/boys do… right?
but, the ever-optimistic spouse surmised, maybe the boy will be SO charming that future girlfriend/s will pay for him instead.
i, the ever-sceptic spouse, gave him this look. -_-
in any case, we recognise that teenagers WILL require a higher expenditure, and i wouldn’t afford to take sabbaticals later, compared to now when their needs are simpler, economic-wise.
speaking of pocket money, i had a mummy-fail moment on monday when i got a call in the morning from the boy in school telling me i’d forgotten to give him money for recess.
thankfully the school was near enough for me to drop by before going to work. left $2.50 and a pack of chocolate biscuits (as a peace offering) for him at the school office.
this must be the second time i forgot, so i must think of a system to remember, like a checklist near the door or something. the poor child is simply not fortunate enough to have one of those supermums who lovingly prepare lunchboxes filled with homemade goodness and wholesome treats on a daily basis. the most i manage is the occasional box of Milo and a ziplock bag of assorted snacks, which sometimes end up sadly unconsumed because he prefers the canteen foods he claims to all be “delicious”.
let’s just add that to my long list of mummy-fails…..
rediscovering the classics.
Mar 25 2012
when i spoke to mum about my planned sabbatical, she was, as i’d expected, apprehensive. she comes, after all, from a generation of women who stoically worked their entire lives, to whom the concept of “no-pay-leave” was unheard of, who even rarely ever took sick leaves.
i could hear it whirring in her mind: “that’s a lot of lost income”, and she doesn’t say it out loud but she probably thinks i’m being frivolous. having worked from the time she was 18 all the way through her 50s, earning more than enough for us to be comfortably off, i don’t blame her for expecting me to do the same. nevermind that I’ve paid my dues in the same organisation for 10 years – heck, that’s even longer than my marriage – and a year off is but a small blip in the 30 more years of service I have till retirement.
and then she said maybe SHE should go back to work.
way to go with the guilt trip, mum!
in any case, everyone else i’ve spoken to have been surprisingly supportive – colleagues, fellow mummies, spouse – thank you for sharing, commiserating, understanding.
i can’t be sure if i’ll make much of a difference to these two in such a short span of a year – the risk of me driving them up the wall and vice versa is pretty high – but there’s a good chance i’ll come out a happier person.
Mar 24 2012
current earworm… only to find out it was already the husband’s earworm weeks ago. we both agreed this song was made for me. so ‘tragic’.
(to all the somebodies i.e. boys that i used to know… err, sorry?)
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.
“adik,” i said mournfully, pouring out Blueberry Morning cereal in her blue Mr Men bowl before leaving yesterday. “i’m going to work, you know. you want me to stay at home or not?”
“YES!” she said decisively. sweet, sweet child.
but somewhere between 9.30am to 7pm at the workdesk, my resolve wavered.
i thought of all the work that would have to be redistributed. the others who too have kids, and their own personal struggles. i thought of how selfish i was being, abandoning the sea of perpetually unfinished work. how was i worse off than others? why should i deserve a sabbatical? how do i justify myself? would i be scoffed at and told to stop whining and be an adult?
my mental health is in the balance and i’m doubting myself.
i had a dream last night, i was in some avant garde, minimalist shop in town, sitting impatiently for the husband to have his haircut at a salon. i’d been waiting and waiting and it was almost 10pm before he sauntered in from nowhere, relaxed, hair still uncut. and i started going crazy hysterical. “it’s almost 10! i have to get home! the kids must sleep! I DON’T HAVE TIME! I DON’T HAVE TIME!! don’t you get it, I DON’T HAVE TIME!!” i might have stormed out of the salon, i don’t remember, because the alarm clock rang.
i’d just barked at the kid (and chewed off his head) to read off his malay spelling list before he left for school at 6am, in a ridiculous fit of frustration. i didn’t have the time/energy to wrestle it out of him last night.
am i losing it?
somewhere between 5.30am to 9am, the dilemma continues.
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.
the daily routine of waking up before dawn to get the kid ready for school, get ready for work, get other kid ready for school, go to work, go to lunch, go home, get kid to bed, go to sleep, THEN DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN AD INFINITUM sort of drove me into a panic attack some two weeks ago, just before the school holiday, resulting in a kind of funk. then thankfully it was the term break, so that feeling got temporarily shelved, but now, it’s back again, with renewed malice, gnawing away inside, snarling with discontent and resentment, festering, rankling…
“WHAT IS THIS LIFE?”
maybe it’s a mid-life crisis or something.
i have enough to take a year off. i know i can, for my own sanity. i think my luxuries aren’t much that i’d miss them greatly. what my plans would be exactly, i’m not sure, but i need a change. and surely it’s not the end of the world if i go on sabbatical for a year… right?
took out 3 stitches from the gum yesterday, with instructions to flush out bits of food with a syringe and antiseptic from THE ABYSS where the wisdom tooth had been previously buried, a bone cut off from the gum.
THE ABYSS upon close-up looked like a moist pink cave in the innermost recesses of my left gum, pulsating with temptation to trap and hide tiny treasures of its own.
given the “exceptional” case of the surgery and the still-swollen/sensitive jaw/gum, got my MC extended…
in any case, it REALLY didn’t feel like i was on MC the whole of last week, with the kids around, 24/7. always, always around. they were like.. everywhere, all the time. here. there. here. there. round and round. left and right. up and down… well, you get my drift.
with the kids back in school, the house peaceful and silent like a temple, yesterday was a nice respite. at night when they’re asleep, i’d whined for some “hot mushy fries”, and the spouse conjured a plate of it. i even had a whole stick of ice-cream i’d hoarded for myself.
so, just a few more days, please. to contemplate on me.
and THE ABYSS. (which you can substitute with THE BIG HOLE IN MY UNFULFILLED LIFE. /drama)
the recent Popular fair at the expo found us some gems… (come on, ‘fess up, who else loves Popular?? heh.)
and still digging through the ol’ public library…
the husband isn’t a fiction person (he’s more into non-fiction, and err, biography. like, that Steve Jobs one he’s left unfinished – i still ask if he’s reached the part where Steve dies). with graphic novels, we have something we BOTH like.
enjoying what is left of the term break before school resumes tomorrow *sigh*
kidnapped their cousins for a day out. shh don’t tell their parents the amount of sugar they consumed collectively….
i’d always thought i was one of the lucky few who’ve escaped the troubles of wisdom teeth, because none had made their appearance thus far in my adult life.
little did i know that the non-appearance of wisdom teeth brings troubles of its own.
about 2 years ago, i’d asked the dentist to investigate the cause of a tingly sensation on the bottom-left gum behind my last molar, which resulted in a discovery that I DID have wisdom teeth after all – they were all embedded in my gums, refusing to emerge. since it didn’t bother me so much, we left it alone after cleaning up the food bits stuck in the area.
the tingly sensation, sensitive gum/molar, and pus-like taste around the area would come and go, and a trip to the dental clinic once in a while would assuage it. but last friday i finally had enough and told the dentist I wanted to do the extraction. (i’d been told if i wanted to have any wisdom tooth removed, best to do it before the age of 40 – and we know that number is nearing…) but looking at the depth of the tooth in my gum and the way it was growing horizontally against my molar, a proper surgery would have to take place. he referred me to the national dental centre, then apologised when he realised i wasn’t an SQ cabin crew (whuuuut?), and referred me to raffles hospital dental instead.
i went, gladly, having had lovely experiences at RH before. and once again, i did. the oral surgeon did a consultation the very next day, where i did this beautiful x-ray (ha ha), and discussed about the not-so-common way my wisdom teeth are growing on all four sides, and how i’d have to be under full sedation during the dental procedure.
since the wisdom tooth that was irritating me was pressing against a nerve (bottom-right of x-ray) and pushing against the root of my molar, she spelt out the risks involved: a damaged nerve, which may result in numbness on the left side of my mouth/tongue/lips (not able to apply lipstick without looking in the mirror – gasp), or even slight drooling (bibs, anyone?) – there could be either permanent numbness or pain. then there’s the risk of the jaw bone being damaged if i were to accidentally fall or knock myself during the healing phase. and since they were cutting out a small part of a bone in the gum, it could cause a shift in my teeth or something. and the more the risks were spelt out, the more i cringed. thankfully, we could leave the rest of the wisdom teeth alone.
and then there’s the thing about being under full sedation. which came with another set of risks, obviously. among the side effects were nausea and vomitting. but it had to be done, instead of local anesthesia, because it’d be “quite cruel otherwise”, in her words.
there was also the issue of my drug allergies, one of which drug i’d forgotten and tried to describe (“it’s red! it’s given out to women with menstrual pain! i only took it once, at 17, from a friend, it made my eyes swell up like crazy… it’s red!), only to remember the name after i left. (and when i came back on the day of the surgery to tell the doctor, she beat me to it – “Ponstan!” she exclaimed, saying she also thought of it after i left. brilliant. love her.)
since it’s the school holiday week, i thought i’d just go through with it and stay home on MC with the kids, even though they were my number one safety hazard for my post-op jaw.
i was actually more worried about the sedation bit, more than the actual surgery, believe it or not. i mean, WHAT IF I DON’T WAKE UP?
the night before, just in case, i read an extra book to the kids during bedtime. before i left in the morning, just in case, i kissed the kids in their sleep. just in case, you know, i had an Inception moment and never got The Kick.
but i was paranoid over nothing. the anesthetist on call was wonderful, and explained to me every step of the way, that i’d be under medium to full sedation, assuring me that the method he’s using is perfectly safe and low-risk. i made him promise, THRICE, to make sure i wake up. i was happy to report that i was free of smoke, alcohol, drugs, went through 2 natural births without epidural, and therefore, a (ahem) perfect patient. as for my niggling drug allergy issue, their painkiller plan was to prescribe me something controlled from the “opiate family”, which sounded ghastly and highly-addictive and what michael jackson probably popped like peanuts.
well i don’t know why i was so worried about the sedation thing at all, because it turned out to be THE BEST SLEEP, EVERRRR! i wish i could have whatever it was that coursed through my blood for that one hour, like, EVERY night. it was TOTALLY awesome. (well, for $300, it had to be awesome.)
oh, as for the surgery itself yesterday, it went pretty well. a few hours of blood-soaked gauzes, puffy lips and fishball-sized swelling on my jaw, i could eat a bowl of macaroni soup, talk, scold, read aloud, teach the kid spelling (!), and sleep like normal. i’ve inspected the stitch in my mouth, and the offending tooth shattered in two during the extraction. hardly stuff worthy of valour, really.
i am also happy to inform that i have full sensation of my tongue/mouth/lips, so my multi-tasking application of lipgloss while driving is definitely back in business. woohoo!
and as for those disturbing-sounding painkillers – skipped it altogether, despite the husband’s warnings of impending, excruciating pain. seriously? i feel like Wolverine. a slight dull ache, is all. i think labour pains raise the bar on your pain threshold, so if you need to remove any wisdom teeth, i say do it after you’ve experienced that. and, err, that’s the only wisdom i can impart.
the lovely doctor called this afternoon to check up on me, and was surprised to hear me sounding like the cheerleader on Heroes. she probably thinks i’m a freak.
yeah. a masochistic one.